The One Question To Ask Your Single Friends


Also, I’m ready to date and it’s scary.

Let’s get vulnerable.

I’m 33 and happily single. The last guy I really dated was a few years ago and honestly, it broke my heart. There have been two guys since who I thought had potential, but I’m still single so I’ll spare you those details. This is the time of year when many of us see friends and family for the first time in a while and get asked the same questions:  

  1. Are you dating?

  2. How are you still single?

  3. Do you still talk to (insert ex’s name)?  

Here’s the thing, I haven’t taken dating too seriously in recent years. I’ve been focused on other things. Focused and really happy. In the past 18 months, I quit my job and started a six-figure business. I bought a house, became an ambassador for Athleta, taught yoga to amazing students, and learned to cook delicious global meals. I opened a library in a middle school, bought friends plane tickets and supported the entrepreneurs in my life. In 2018, I traveled to 10 countries, more states than I can count and got to meet incredible people. My brother got married, friends had babies, my dad bought a plane, my mom ran a second marathon. I became a mission trip leader, started a second business, and then a third. I’m healthy, I get 9+ hours of sleep a night, and my Jeep will be paid off by my next birthday (February). I’ve healed, I’ve grown, and I am proud of who I am.

So instead of asking why I’m single, let’s start with this: am I happy? Yes, yes I am.  

Start with asking your single friends this same question - are you happy? Chances are, they are. In fact, they are probably sleeping well, eating well and have a strong self-love. I encourage you to ask about the workout they’ve been doing, the business they started, the last place they traveled, that fabulous bag they just bought, what their goals are, what their fears are, what book changed their perspective – anything about who they really are. They’ve probably spent this time learning a lot about themselves and life. Don’t miss out on their stories.

Now that we got that out of the way, I’m here to say I am ready to start dating. Not like I’ve done in recent years, but really start opening my heart. I’m ready because I’m happy and want to share that with someone. I’m ready to date with purpose and intention. I’m ready to put myself out there, to want a man, to share my life. But to be honest, dating scares me. I’ve been hurt bad in the past. Dating requires being vulnerable and trusting someone with my heart. Dating means less nights to focus on my business, the potential for awkward situations and suffering through some small talk. But more importantly, it also means really living. It’s about overcoming the one risk I never take. It means fully stepping into who I am and allowing someone to see the real me. It means trusting the right man won’t hurt me and if he does, he’ll be there to fix it. It means having a partner to travel with, learn with, grow with. To me, dating is the next big adventure and that’s exciting.   

Why am I sharing this? My friend Flo recently told me that wanting an amazing boyfriend but not talking about it, is like wanting a new job but not applying for any. And she’s right, so here’s my official application. My manifestation for the right man.

This brings me to the other thing single women don’t want. We don’t want to be hooked up with your single neighbor, coworker, friend – just because they are single too. If you truly think that single person you know is someone who will make me laugh, challenge me, inspire me, and treat me right, then send them my way. But if not – thank u, next.

So what do I want? I want a man who has lived a bit. Someone who can teach me new things, show me their traditions and culture, and challenge my way of thinking. Someone to start new traditions with. A man who can communicate (so sexy!). Someone I can sit late into the night with having meaningful conversations. I want a man who supports me and believes in me. Someone who loves Jesus, someone I can count on and someone who makes me laugh. A man who follows through on their word and wants to have a great time.

Let’s do this, let’s really live.     



Katie MillerComment